Connection with others is modeled by Theodore's connection with Samantha, and as they spend more and more time together, Theodore feels encouraged to connect with others in his life. By opening up to his nonjudgmental computer, he is able to look out at the world and realize the ways he is meant to be a part of it. In contrast to the theme of loneliness and isolation, we watch as Theodore finds connection with the world around him, encouraged by his connection to Samantha. In this way, he did not take responsibility for his feelings and for his part in his relationship, which caused it to suffer. He tells Samantha that he kept a part of himself from his ex-wife, and that he didn't speak up when something was wrong or when he was feeling emotional. This self-destructive behavior was also clearly operating in his relationship with Catherine. In this way, we see that Theodore avoids those around him and lives through escapist fantasies due to his depression. We see this theme particularly in the beginning of the film as Theodore plays video games, has phone sex, and refuses to hang out with his friends. Avoiding Responsibilityīecause Theodore has chosen to isolate himself from the world and from the issues he will eventually have to face, he is choosing to avoid responsibility. The film follows the ebb and flow of intimacy, the ways that connection can grow and evolve, then disappear, then develop again. However, having moved through some of his intimacy issues with Samantha's help, Theodore is able to be resilient, to see the world differently, and to try and move on using his own volition. Then, when his relationship with Samantha ends, Theodore is once again in a period of sadness and disenchantment. It is only when the relationship with Samantha blossoms that Theodore is able to face signing his divorce papers because he has been able to find happiness in his life. He is alone, and in his loneliness he doesn't have the courage to do what needs to be done. We see Theodore at the beginning of the film trying to come to grips with the fact that his marriage is over. Throughout this film we experience the blossom and decay of love and relationships. Even though he is physically alone, Theodore is less depressed and lonely, and the film asks the viewer to contemplate whether a connection with a computer is actually a connection at all. He is often alienated and cut off from the rest of the world, until he begins an acquaintance with his operating system. This theme manifests in the camera work, as Jonze chooses to shoot Theodore in shallow focus, with the world around him out of focus, when he is feeling isolated and lonely. By continuing to focus on these memories and refusing to move forward, he isolates himself from other people, other couples, and the world around him. We see him daydream throughout the film about the good memories he has of time with his soon to be ex-wife. The last step is to sign the papers, but he has yet to do so and he has chosen to isolate himself from the reality that his marriage is over. The main character, Theodore, is in the midst of finalizing his divorce. One of the main themes of Her is loneliness and isolation.
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